NORMA’S 21 WAYS FOR A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP
Flirt with each other.
Appreciate each other.
Develop common interests.
Develop your spiritual values.
Listen before you attempt to problem solve.
Learn to the art of decreasing your anxiety
by self-soothing. Talk to yourself before acting. Calm yourself with your
voice. Act when your brain (gray matter) is in charge, not your emotions. If
you act out of your hindbrain, you will always make bad decisions. This part
of your brain has no humor, or gray matter. It can only rage, fight, and screw
up. (That does not mean making love.) This process is called “growing up” and
Stop and think before you act. Learn to
tell the “real story.” Honesty creates respect.
Develop empathy. Walk out of your shoes and
walk in your partner’s shoes when there is conflict.
Let go of resentment and anger. Behind
resentment is a request or a desire. Behind anger is fear. Figure out your
fears and listen to each other’s requests.
Contempt (calling each other names), Defensiveness,
and Withdrawing will always cause a disconnect and eventually
divorce. Hitting, and intimidating are never acceptable.
Discuss your financial expectations, many
times. Decide on your financial goals, Sometimes it is helpful to sign a
contract with each other as to how you will spend your money.
If you begin to fight about sex, stop,
talk, and ask yourself, “ what is the resentment, and why are we fighting
about great pleasure?
Eat well, and exercise. Don’t take
anything into your body that you wouldn’t give your children.
Develop the art of accepting each other.
At the same time, set healthy boundaries.
All relationships have conflict. The
difference is the way you solve your conflict. Do you get resolution of the
problems and feelings? Does your behavior change?
Something has to change for something to
change. That usually means your behavior.
Give up the need to control in favor of
In a relationship, there is always a fine
line between creating helpfulness and creating helplessness. That doesn’t mean
that you don’t do for each other, but neither do you create a sense of
helplessness in the other person.
Appreciate and tell your partner that you
Express your love. Don’t get into the habit
of observing the relationship and not expressing your feeling. Example: “You
should know that I love you,” This is deadly. There are no magic wands or
crystal balls. You have to ask, listen and receive.
The development of mature, long lasting
love requires one to attach in a healthy way.
and infatuation begin the relationship. Attachment is the core of the
relationship. This is what leads to enduring, loving relationships. Attachment
can’t occur if the relationship is always in conflict. Our bodies are geared
for survival. Perpetual conflict causes us to fight and leave----It is a
primitive reflex that helped our ancestors to survive a dangerous world.
STRIVE FOR A USER FRIENDLY RELATIONSHIP.
GARBAGE IN—GARBAGE OUT.
your relationship boat is in stormy waters,
Send out an
emergency, and get immediate help.